Emotional Trauma
by Antigone1
Summary: Kurt is suffering with the idea that he is not loved and not worth anything...I now know what is gonna happen, it's gonna be extremely plot twisty=)well, maybe not that much, but still lol...sequel to Fuzzy Feelings, but I think you can read this alone.
1. Broken

Hey everyone

Hey everyone!We'll here's the sequel to Fuzzy Feelings.I guess you could read it w/out having read the first, it's angsty, but you might understand Kurt's emotional state better if you read the other fic first.Its not a bad fic, at least or so I'm told…which brings me to a small request about Fuzzy Feelings…I'm soooooo close to 100 reviews, that it is mindnumbing, but I'm not quite there yet, 98, (actually 97 because I reviewed once) and it would mean sooooo much if anyone who could, could review it. I just have a huge desire to get 100 reviews…anyway, I hope you like this fic…as with all my stories, comments and criticism are both wanted and welcome.Now on with the fic…

Disclaimer…I own NOTHING…Happy now?LoL

Pain…it can be described in many ways, each person with his own definition, based on personal experience.In general, be it physical or emotional, pain is a parasite, feeding off one's body and soul.It wears you down, pushes you to, or in some cases over, your breaking point.It spares nothing, caring not who or what they are or what they've done.It destroys…and it was what engulfed Kurt Wagner.

Kurt was sitting on his bed, thinking.He now spent the majority of his time thinking.His once bright, mischievous eyes had been replaced by those, which showed only his pain.

It had been a week since he had regained consciousness…a week that was scarred by thoughts of insecurity and isolation.The only real contact he had had with anyone was his encounter with Kitty.Her admittance had, for a moment, lit a fire of hope in Kurt, that Mystique…that he…was wrong in believing that no one truly cared for the elf.Unfortunately, his own brooding, over the past few days, had quickly extinguished that hope.There were voices in his head that he just could not shut off.The more he tried, the louder they became.They whispered that he didn't matter, that nobody cared.Why should they?Had he even _looked_ in the mirror recently?The hologram was just that, a hologram.How could he think that just because he appeared a normal boy that he was to be loved as a normal boy should?

His physical wounds were healing quickly, but the emotional were far more deep than any of the abrasions he had received in battle.He was still on the antibiotics for pneumonia, though his strength was returning and he was to start school again in three days, the next Monday.He spent his time wandering the halls, looking pensively into space.The others had noticed his strange behavior.At first, it was dismissed as post-traumatic-stress syndrome and Kurt was counseled by the Professor, but now it was believed that it was more than just the battle that had wounded Kurt.

Ororo and Professor Xavier were walking, and rolling, the hall leading passed Kurt's chambers.Both slowed their movements, listening for any sign of the boy both knew to be inside.None was to be heard.

Ororo sighed, "Charles, is there anything we can do for the child?" still staring worriedly at the closed door.

The Professor heavily shook his head negatively."His pain is not one that will go away easily by drugging him.It would do him no good to give him drugs that will only mask something that he needs to face." 

"But, do we know what that something is?"Ororo questioned, turning her face towards her companion, but her mind still on the boy locked in his room.

"No, unfortunately we do not." He sighed, "I do not think that he will willingly allow me to probe his mind and it might damage him even more if I were to do it without his consent.If only we knew what Mystique said to him!"Charles slammed his fist down on the armrest of his wheelchair and then sighed in frustration.

"Perhaps we should pay her a visit?"Ororo suggested, looking keenly at the Professor.

Kurt now paced.His internal conflict was a source of unending turmoil and he had to do something in an attempt to draw his thoughts from what he believed to be his inadequacies.He stopped when a glint of light, reflecting off his mirror, caught his eye.He walked slowly towards it, gazing at his own reflection.He stopped in front of the dresser to which the mirror was attached.Slowly, he lifted his three-fingered hand and hesitantly touched his mirror image.It was cold.Grimacing, he clenched the hand into a fist, glaring with hatred at himself.He ported over to his bedside table, on which an empty glass stood.He quickly snatched the glass from its place and heaved it into the mirror.Both shattered upon impact.Glass shards scattered everywhere.Kurt simply stood where he was, staring at the broken glass, some of which was now reflection the contents of the room.His gaze locked upon those bearing his image.

~Hey, whattya guys think?Please R/R I luv to read them!I'll try and get the next chapter out pretty quickly, but finals are next week, so I can't promise anything…though I REALLY want to promise =)Again, please review, I need to know the public's opinion! =)

~Megan


	2. Pick up the pieces

Hey~

Hey~

Sorry about the HyHylateness of this chapter…I've got exams (which I've decided that I don't want to study for and would much rather devote my time to my fics lol, too bad this isn't a course in my school…) ::sigh:: and I also remembered that I have another fic that was begging be updated…I'm not one to advertise fics in other fics::coughs which sounds suspiciously like Actions Not Remembered =):: so let's move on…As always, I absolutely LUV to read the reviews…I was really amazed that I got so many on the first chapter and I'd like to thank every1 who took the time to review…my ego was pretty big for a while hehehe…Anyways, there's my little speech…now on to the fic…

Disclaimer: Don't, never will

The others heard the crash in Kurt's room and came running, with the exception of Scott and Wolverine, who were riding in the convertible and nowhere to be found, respectfully.The door was locked, and as the Professor fumbled in his pockets for the key, Kitty quickly phased through the barrier.

She came in upon a very different Kurt from the one who had, just weeks before, utilized everything with in his power to be the very pain of her existence…but he was a funny pain, she had to admit…The Kurt she saw now was void of emotion, hollow, almost dead…

"Kurt," Kitty took a few steps towards him, pausing shortly, startled, as her footsteps crunched over the already broken glass.He made no motion of acknowledgement, seemingly unaware that she was even in his room, but stared continuously at the glass shards adorning his bedroom floor.

Kitty continued moving towards Kurt, until she was standing within two feet of him.He still did not even seem the slightest bit alert to her presence, but she did not give up.She slowly brought up her hand and circumspectly reached it out to touch his shoulder, so as not to startle him more than the amount that was needed pull him out of this self-induced trance.However, a moment before she would have made contact with his blue fur, she was startled by a loud clanging against Kurt's bedroom door, presumably the Professor searching for the correct key, and accidentally whipped her hand into Kurt's shoulder.The elf yelped in surprise, jerked away from Kitty and fell back onto his bed.Before he made total contact with it, however, he ported out of the room.Kitty, who had grabbed on to Kurt's shirt as he stumbled backwards over the bed, was caught off-balance by Kurt's sudden departure and toppled onto it, disheveling the sheets in the process.When she fought her way out of the tangled mess, she was met by the bemused expressions of the Professor, Ororo, Evan, Jean and Rogue.

Kitty scowled as she blew a stray strand of hair from her eyes, "He bamfed out,"

Kurt found himself on a remote part of the Institute's grounds.It consisted of a small pond, hidden by vegetation, and a somewhat large rock, which made for an adequate seat.Kurt took his place upon the rock and began to think.His mind was still overrun with harsh words said by others, but directed at him.Freak.Monster.Demon.Mutant.The last of which, when said in the sanctuary of the Institute, was an aspect of character, a trait that was to be thought of as a source of pride, though others on the outside did not view it in that light.They used it to mean curse.Called it a damnation.Not caring that, in some ways, Kurt was more true to the definition of what the ideal human is, having more valued characteristics such as kindness, empathy, and understanding, than any of those who tormented him would, or could, ever possess. 

Kurt turned his back to the reflecting pool, turned his back to his reflection.He stared off into space, watching the birds glide through the air, the clouds float slowly by, and let his tail swish around in the cool water of the pond.His tail hit a sharp, submerged object and Kurt gasped in pain.He pulled his tail in front of his face and looked at his newest injury.It was superficial, but he was bleeding.He gazed at the cut for a moment, and then turned unconsciously to see what he had cut it on.He stared down into the water and his eyes met not the object, which had injured his tail, but another image, far more painful to him.He glared angrily down at his own reflection and with a quick swipe, for a moment, destroyed it.He turned his body away from the pond and let himself slide down the side of the rock, until he was able to use it as a makeshift backrest.He leaned his head back, against the rock and closed his eyes, attempting to shut out the horrible thoughts that threatened to take over his mind, as they had so many times in the relatively short time he had been conscious.

"Like, I don't see why we have to clean this up."Kitty grumbled as she, for a third time, received a small cut from the pieces of glass that she and Rogue were gathering off Kurt's floor.They were picking up the ones that were too big to be vacuumed up, and Rogue was, for one of the first times, grateful that she was cursed to wear her gloves, when Jean entered.She, Ororo, the Professor and Evan had left soon after Kurt had disappeared, she called by the Professor and Evan by Ororo.

Jean, apparently hearing Kitty's comment, sighed in frustration, "You don't.Doesn't anyone listen?I said that the bigger pieces would have to be cleaned up, I didn't say that you guys had to do it."And with that said, Jean, concentrating, lifted a multitude of larger glass fragments off the floor and deposited them in the wastebasket.

"Still be careful though.There are a lot of little pieces that there are too many of for me to get them all."Jean warned.

Kitty almost growled as she left the room in search of band-aids.

The Professor entered shortly after Kitty's exit, followed closely by Evan.He looked around the room, observing the fragments of glass still littering the floor.

Jean saw his gaze sweep the floor and quickly said, "We're gonna get the vacuum and finish cleaning up,"To this, the Professor merely nodded.

"Uh, Professor?Ah was just wonderin' if ya found out anythangabout Kurt yet?"Rogue asked looking hopefully towards the Professor.

"No, Rogue.I believe Kurt needs some time to himself and I do not think that he would stray too far from the mansion, especially without his hologram on," the Professor gestured to the wristwatch that lay inactive on the dresser top."He will come back when he is ready, until then we mustn't force him."

"Should I go tell Auntie O to order a new mirror?"Evan asked glancing at the space, which the previous one had occupied.

The Professor glanced down at the broken glass still scattered on the floor. "Err…Not quite yet Evan…And I believe that your aunt has a more pressing engagement at the moment…"

Ororo turned off the radio, none of the songs appealing to her.She adjusted her rear-view mirror as she pulled into a parking lot, glancing at the identifying sign as she passed.

Welcome to Bayville High.

~Hiya

So, whaddya think?I NEED to know…I'm addicted now, you can't deprive me of your thoughts and comments!So please R/R…well, actually, come to think of it, you probably already have read the chapter…so continue with the second part and review =)

Thanks to all who reviewed and will review, I luuuuvvv to read them!

~Megan


	3. The Pond

Greetings

Greetings!~

Hey all!Sorry 'bout the lateness with this update…a small case of writer's block, plus the anticipation of exams ending sidetracked me =)But now its up, my exams are over with, and hopefully I'll update much sooner =)Hope you like the chapter…thanx to all who reviewed!I love to hear comments…keep 'em comin'! LoLEnjoy!

~Megan

The sun was setting, as were Kitty's hopes of finding Kurt that day.She had been told of the Professor's suggestion to leave Kurt be, and promptly rejected it.She did, however, agree with the Professor when it came to the subject of Kurt's whereabouts.There was no way the elf would go off the grounds.So, Kitty had, after much internal arguing, decided to go looking for the fuzz boy, with the pretense that she was off to explore the property, which was actually true.In her entire stay at the Institute, she had never fully investigated its holdings.And so she did…for three hours.She was beginning to lose hope when she stumbled into the hidden lake…literally…

Splash!"Ooooff!"Kitty, luckily, fell into a relatively shallow section, but was not spared from becoming completely drenched.

"Ewww!This is like_ so_ gross!"She stated as she removed a number of slimy twigs from her tussled hair.She screamed in surprise as a frog jumped into her lap and scrambled from the pond.As she held out her arms in an effort to allow the water to drip off, she heard a snicker behind her.Angrily, she whipped around, intent on screaming at the person…or at least giving them the same wonderful experience…

As she turned, her glaring eyes fell upon the same blue elf she had spent the majority of her afternoon searching for, and instantly softened.It was the first time she had heard him laugh in so long, that she hardly minded that it was at her expense.

"What?"She asked in mock anger, thankful to see some of the spark, be it momentarily, returning to his eyes.

"Have a nice baz?Keetty, you look like a vet rat…not very becoming…" The elf answered, eyes still dancing, partially forgetting the pained look that had plagued them for so long.

Annoyed, Kitty decided to play his game.Spying a lone, fat frog sitting near her shoe, she inconspicuously stepped over and, using her foot as a catapult, launched the amphibian onto her teammate.It missed her target, his head, but, with a soft plop, landed on his shorts.Glancing down at his new "pet," Kurt proceeded to shriek and stand up, violently hitting the poor creature away from him.Kurt then, revenge in mind, ported over, behind Kitty, wrapped his arms around her, ported about ten feet above the deeper area of the pond, released his hold and ported back to the rock.That is where Kitty found him, sitting smugly, when she resurfaced, wetter and more furious than before.She hid her feelings well though, as she pulled her self from the water, tugging on her soaked hair.She smiled at Kurt.

"Okay, you like totally beat me.Truce?"Still standing on the edge of the water, she held out her hand in apparent peace.Kurt, walked over haughtily, looking at her with a somewhat condescending air about him.

"Yez, I knew zat you vould come to your senses.I just cannot be beat," he said as he reached out his hand to accept hers.She however, quickly phased through him, turned around and pushed him, hard, down into the murky water.

Kurt's appearance after he emerged resembled that of a blue, wet dog.Dripping from all over his body, he walked over to a now rolling on the ground laughing Kitty and shook, in the manner of a dog.

"Hey!Not fair!"Kitty exclaimed as she attempted to block the spray, quite unsuccessfully.Kurt, after he was finished, sat down, back against the rock, gazing thoughtfully at the now almost nonexistent sun.His eyes once again took on the pained expression they had held for so long.Kitty sat down next to him, gazing at his face, rather than the diminishing sun.She pondered for a moment, trying to decide the best way to approach what she so desperately wanted to ask…

"Kurt…I know something's wrong…it has been ever since you came out of the medical ward…what is it?"Kitty watched as Kurt's head sank down.He was having an internal debate on whether to tell her or not, and if so, how much.Finally, he decided to reveal a portion of what he was feeling…he needed to…

"It'z just so hard.Vhat I've been zrough…"He suddenly changed his mind…He couldn't tell her this!She couldn't help him, why burden her with something she probably wouldn't even comprehend?

"Never mind…you vouldn't understand…"Kurt got up to leave, but Kitty's voice checked him.

"I wouldn't understand what?I wouldn't understand the pain of being a mutant?I wouldn't know what it feels like to feel afraid and alone?That nobody is there for me?Believe me Kurt, I know what that feels like…"To Kitty's statement, Kurt merely shook his head.

"Nein, you have no idea.Look at you!You look completely normal!You don't have zis!"Kurt tugged on his fur angrily, tearing some out, but not caring, "You don't know vhat it feels like to be feared.To have people run ze other vay vhen zey see your face!To have muzzers shield their children from "ze demon!"Vhat it feels like to have to hide, afraid for your life, from people vho vant to kill you, or vorse, study you!To, for most of your life, never know vho your real parents are!…and to find out zat your muzzer is your vorst enemy…You'll never know…"And with that, he ported away.

"Yeah, that, like, went exactly how I planned."She muttered to herself as she brushed a stray strand of damp hair from her eyes.

Ororo entered the mansion very late and very annoyed.The Professor met her in the hallway.

"Did you learn anything from Mystique?"He questioned, but she shook her head negatively.

"I wasn't even allowed into her office.I was told to wait.I did, for a number of hours.When I finally went to her secretary to ask to see Mystique again, the secretary replied that her employer had left for the day, and showed surprise that I did not see her exit."Ororo looked at Professor Xavier, "She must know something she doesn't want us to."

"Indeed, her behavior does suggest something of that nature but-" His response was cut short by the sound of breaking glass.

The two hurried over to the source, a window of the rec room, which was situated on the front of the mansion, was broken, apparently by a rock.Upon closer examination, a small piece of paper was found tied to the intruder.

On it, a message was scrawled…

"Stop asking questions,"

How'd ya guys like?I thought I'd give it some more uh, what's the word…depth?Oh well, just tell me what ya think…I luv to hear it!


	4. Sisterly Love

Hey all

Hey all!I'm soooooo sorry for all the late update!I had an extreme case of writer's block, but now, I've come up with a brilliant beyond brilliant end to the plot!I have to have at least a rough idea of where I'm going and for a while, I didn't =) Okay, giving myself way too much credit here, but I've got an idea for the rest of the plot.I dug myself into a hole and needed to find a way out…and I think I have!Well, onto the story!I need comments!Everyone has been sooooo great with their support and constructive criticism, and I'm unbelievably thankful!THANK YOU!Oh and one other thing!Sorry, I know…I like to talk-err-type =)My cousin has signed up for a student exchange program and guess the home-land of the girl that is coming to stay…GERMANY!!I think I creeped my family out when I more exited about the accent, as opposed to the actually girl…=) LoLSo now, I'll be able to get the accent more on target. =)

Disclaimer:yes, I own them…I own them ALL!Mmwwaahhhhhaaahhhaaahhhaa ::dragged away by men in white coats::Disclaimers have made me insane, I hope every1's happy! =)

Kitty entered the mansion later than planned.Though she was embarrassed to admit it, she had lost her way attempting to return to the mansion.Her badly ended encounter with Kurt did not make her day any more enjoyable.She first saw the Professor and Ororo sitting, deep in discussion in the rec. room.She walked towards them, intent on telling of her discussion with Kurt, when she stopped abruptly as she heard something crack under her feet.

"Like, what is this?"She said, causing the other two to jump at the sound of her voice.Kitty quickly identified the shards she had stepped on as glass and looked to her two elders for an explanation.She was given a partial one.

"Kitty, you're home.I apologize for the condition of the rug and window.Some vandals threw a rock, breaking the window, and no one has had the chance to clean it up as of yet."The Professor's explanation satisfied Kitty's confusion, and she launched into a description of the day's events.

"And you don't know where he teleported to?"Ororo asked at the end of Kitty's narrative.

"Nope, he just, like, took off," Kitty said, twirling a piece of hair around her fingers.

"Thank you Kitty.Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a that requires immediate attention."The Professor said, and with that, he and Ororo left the girl alone.

"Hey!Like, what about the window?!"She called after them, but received no response.

"Great!Looks like I get to clean up sharp, pointy things for the second time today," She muttered as she went off in search of a garbage pail.

Rouge rose from her position, sprawled out upon her bed and, with the aid of her remote control, turned off the music and her stereo with the push of a button.She sighed and went off in search of her fuzzy relation.She had attempted to approach him on numerous occasions throughout the past week, but he had always seemed so distant.He would respond to her inquiries, but only with the minimal amount of detail necessary to ensure that she did not further press whatever topic she had brought upon him.Still, she forced herself to go to him again and again, because on many occasions, she was the only living thing to speak with him.The others favored giving him space, giving him time to work out his issues, not badgering him.Rogue believed, however, that Kurt needed to be constantly reassured of the support he had.Of the support she willingly gave.It was obvious that he could not be left alone after the mirror incident, Rogue just wished the others could assess the situation as she could.

She tugged on her leather gloves and closed the door to her room, entering the hallway.She knew Kurt had left his room hours before, but she also had a stronger feeling that he was in there right now.The place no one would think of looking for him, after what had happened earlier.Rogue quickened her stride down the halls until she came upon Kurt's bedroom door.With a small hesitation, a moment of indecision in regards to whether it would be proper announce her presence by knocking first, or to just enter.Choosing the latter, Rogue quickly opened the door and stepped inside, quietly shutting it behind her.

Her suspicions were confirmed when, after her eyes adjusted to the miniscule amount of light, which radiated from the room's only light source, the moon, she saw curled upon the bed, a silhouette of the very mutant she was looking for.His tail jerked spasmodically as the sound of the closing door almost echoed through the silent room, the only indication that he was aware of another's presence invading his solitude.

Rogue silently yet quickly closed the distance between her and the bed.She tentatively sat down next to Kurt, on the edge of the mattress and sat, pondering the best thing to say in an attempt to raise his spirits.This was the scenario for at least five minutes, but it felt like an eternity.Kurt focused his piercing eyes upon Rogue as she sat, thinking.Finally, she spoke.

"Kurt…Ah don't know exactly wha' ya're goin' through, but I just wanted to tell ya…again…that Ah'm always gonna be there for ya." She paused, "Anythang ya wanna tell me, I'll listen to."Kurt responded by closing his eyes.Rogue sighed inwardly.She knew this was how he would react to her sympathy and support, but she wished with all her heart that he would let her help.

"Don't wanna chat?That's okay, but Ah hope ya don't mind me staying here awhile,"Receiving no response from Kurt, she muttered to herself, "Ah'll take tha' as a yes," and made her was to the other side of the bed.She laid down, (A/N I know, they technically haven't said if they're brother and sister, or what they are exactly, but for my purposes they're brother and sister…no incest! =) ) gave her brother a quick hug, the stayed, stroking his cheek until he fell into a restless slumber.

Well?Whattya think?I need comments!Ideas!Anything you want to give me, I'll happily accept!I wanna apologize again about the lateness of this update and I'm gonna really try to update more often and with a lot less time in between. =)Please review!

~Megan


	5. Shattered

I'm back

I'm back!I know that it might have appeared as if I jumped off the face of the earth (and if I had, it would have _totally_ been the fault of the annoying legal shield I like to call a disclaimer =) but it was more of a took on more things than I could handle type deal…but, anyway, I've cleared out my schedule and hope to continue this story on a more frequent basis, I'm sorry, but I just didn't have any time! =)…I'm not one of those people who write a story, divide it into parts and then post the parts exactly a week apart…I wrote this on the spur of the moment, and I posted it like 10 minutes after I started writing it, so I need just a little bit of time and a lot of inspiration, the former of which I have been lacking lately…any ideas are welcome and wanted=)but now on with the show…

Disclaimer:I do not own- ::jumps off the face of the earth::

Rogue slowly -reluctantly- opened her eyes.She sat up part way and extended her arms as far as her body would allow, stretching her tight muscles.Permitting herself to flop back down upon the pillows, she turned onto her side, arm hanging over the edge of the bed, and closed her eyes again.

It was no use.Once she woke up, it was futile to attempt to return to dreamland.Rogue groaned and opened her eyes yet again.Her gaze immediately fell upon an evil, fuzzy, little demon.She shrieked in surprise and horror.

In response, the thing blinked and squeaked, "I wove you!"

Rogue, disgusted, smacked the thing from Kurt's bedside table and onto the floor.

Looking at the fur ball with contempt, she muttered, "It figures Kurt would have a Furby," she glanced around and noticed the owner of the spawn of Satan was not in the room.Rogue went off to take a shower, then she would go in search of the non-evil (for the most part) fur ball, and in the process of leaving the room, gave a final kick to the disgustingly annoying toy.She slammed the door to block out the sound of, "Furby dance!Do do do!Do do do!"

Rogue hurried downstairs to the dining room, freshly dressed in a clean version of yesterday's outfit, still rubbing her fingers through her damp hair, and looked around anxiously for Kurt.Not seeing him, she sat down and turned to Kitty.

"Hey, Kitty, do ya know where Kurt is?"Rogue asked as she reached for a muffin.

"Uh, no.I mean, like, he didn't come to breakfast yet," Kitty shrugged and went back to her toast.

She looked at the clock on the counter, then looked back at Kitty in disbelief."It's almost eleven!Ah know Kurt hasn't been tha' sociable lately, but wasn't anybody worried?!?"

The others looked at her skeptically as she finished her outburst.Evan was the first to reply.

"Yo, Ro, chill.It's not that we don't care 'bout the guy, we just figured that if he wants to be chatty, he will.But until he's ready, we're not gonna push."The others nodded their agreement, but then went back to their breakfasts and their conversations.

Rogue gave an annoyed, exasperated sigh and left the table, dropping her uneaten muffin on the floor as she went.Ororo stood up, pushing her chair away, then walked over and picked up the muffin.She turned to the Professor and spoke, "Charles, you _do_ think that what we are doing, waiting for Kurt to come to us, not crowding him, is the best course of action, correct?" 

Professor Xavier looked "I believe so…I hope so…"

Rogue stormed off to her room fuming.She could not believe how ignorant the others were.How could they think that the way Kurt was feeling would just change with no help from people who care for him?How could the Professor think that way?

Rogue stopped pacing, shook her head and thought, 'Fine!They don't want to come to terms with what Kurt really needs, that's fine!They're only hurting him more!'

She scowled and went off in search of to fuzzy elf, slamming the door so hard that a framed picture of the members of the institute fell from it's place upon the dresser, shattering as it hit the floor.

Hey!Again, I'm sooooo sorry for the late update, I hope that this chapter is adequate enough that you guyz like it.If you do, you don't, whatever, tell me!I need comments…it's been so long since I've read them =)but, I'm off to read some now and I thank all who took the time to share what they thought! Keep it up please!!

~Megan


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